Speak Up.

I learned two lessons this week, and they're somewhat interchangeable. Let me explain.

We had nice weather this week and so I chose to do my CrossFit workouts after work each night (about 5:00 - 6:00 PM or so). Unfortunately for me, the workouts were programmed with some type of running nearly every night. Running = something I'm bad at, something I hate, and something I really should be making myself do so that I improve. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I went to the gym anyway.

Each night, the running workout began, and within minutes I was miserable. My legs were more and more fatigued with each step I took on the hot concrete. I was silently counting down the seconds until the misery would be over. As I was quietly complaining to myself in my head, I realized that everyone else in the class was just as miserable as I was. Each person I passed or ran next to on the trail had the same look of fatigue, heat, and misery on their faces. Something came over me and I realized I could maybe help others finish up these awful workouts. With each person I passed or came up near, I offered a "good job!" or a "hey keep going - you're almost there!" With each encouraging word I spoke, I realized it was becoming easier and easier for me to focus on and complete my own workout. The misery and pity party I was having for myself started to vanish and I felt encouraged as well. I eventually finished each workout this week and felt better at the end than I did at the beginning. My small side comments of encouragement to others actually helped me - probably more than they helped the people I was actually talking to. This "phenomenon" made me realize that by speaking positive words to others, I was feeling positive myself. I was encouraging, so I felt encouraged. I was also keeping the focus on the success of the workout and praising the hard work, rather than focusing on the negative of it all.

My second lesson this week came quite unexpectedly. (For the sake of those involved, I'm leaving this very brief and anonymous.) I've never been one to be overly outspoken about my faith, Jesus, Christianity, etc. If asked, sure I'll share, but I don't necessarily offer my story or any personal information. You could say this is something I need to be more bold about - and I'm working on it. Well, God had a plan this week for me to seize an opportunity to share my story with someone. The "irony" here (and by irony, I actually mean the God-ordained appointment) came less than 24 hours after reading some encouraging words about sharing a testimony. The points made in the reading included: 1) it's your story so it's true and relative to you, 2) it involves a spiritual transformation that can only be explained as supernatural, and 3) the change in your like is backed by what the Bible says will happen when you choose to believe in and follow Jesus.

So keeping all three of those points in mind with regard to one's own spiritual story/testimony, I was presented with a conversation in which I could openly speak about my story. The topic of atheism came up among the group of people I was with this particular day. I openly and honestly asked one individual why he was atheist. He explained his points, and I listened. A shower of adrenaline and excitement came over my entire body when he finished speaking and I could not hold my words in anymore - they fell out. I told him I understood his points, and not just understood, but that I had been there. I grew up in a Christian home (like he did) and saw things that were hypocritical and pushed very hard against the Bible and Jesus. I didn't believe in anything really because I saw no proof or backing to it, just as he doesn't now. My words continued to fall out, and I knew he was somewhat shocked that I could relate. Then I took a turn in the conversation and explained why I was using past tense and saying that I "could relate" and "was there too". In my mind I went back to those three points about sharing your story - 1) my life experiences are mine and cannot be denied - I grew up in a broken home and at the age of 23 realized that all my life I'd been looking for something that friends, jobs, relationships, and hobbies could not fill. 2) I joined a small group and it changed my life forever - the first study we did ("Not a Fan" is the book) opened my eyes to the fact that Jesus is a relationship, not a religion. I'm saved because of what has been DONE and it's nothing I can DO. 3) the change in my life is exactly what the Bible says is in store for every one of us who accepts Jesus as our Savior and walks with him.

I kept my testimony brief, but I can tell you that by making the transition from where I was (which is where he is) to where I am now (which is proven by my life experiences and backed by the Bible), it was much easier for this individual to follow me. Now, I'm not saying that I converted him and he is a believer now, but I felt amazing after taking the opportunity to share. Just like my encouragement to others helped encourage me, so too did opening up about my story help me redefine my story and my faith. In a matter of 5 minutes, my faith felt restored again and even stronger than just 5 minutes before.

When I encouraged those other CrossFitters during the workout, it's possible they didn't hear me. It's possible they thought I was stupid and annoying and just wanted to finish the workout quietly. That's the sad truth. On the flip side, it's also possible that my words helped push them along and now their outlook on that workout is very positive. Maybe they even sped up and finished the workout faster than they thought they could. Either way, by speaking up, I felt better about the miserable, hot, sweaty, tiring workout. My mind was focused on other things and I became a stronger runner.

It's possible that my atheist friend was just being nice and not openly reacting negatively to me sharing my story about Jesus and my transformation. It's possible that he still doesn't believe anything at all. On the flip side, it's possible that by connecting his current life to my past life, and then connecting those to my current life, he's curious and more willing to listen when the topic of God comes up again. Either way, I left the conversation feeling more solidified and secure in my faith and in my story and it's ability to help others.

I'll close by summarizing a sermon I recently heard at Willow Creek. The pastor explained in his teaching that it's not up to us to get someone from being a non-believer to a full out Christian devoted to following Jesus. That's the job of God through the Holy Spirit. That spiritual transformation is not someone we humans can accomplish. We can, however, help spur someone on from point A to point B, or maybe even point B to point F over time. We cannot take someone spiritually from point A to point Z - that's God's job. Just like I couldn't make those runners finish their workout any faster or any stronger, I cannot take it upon myself to convert a non-believer. I can however, encourage the runner and share my story with the non-believer. It's my small act of hopefully helping take someone from point A to point B that is most important, while feeling uplifted, encouraged, and stronger in myself & my testimony along the way. When I do another running workout, I'll be better. I'll remember the encouragement I felt by encouraging others. When I have another opportunity to share my faith, I'll feel more confident in it. I'll remember how much stronger I felt after taking the change to speak up. 

Meet Me Where I Am

I currently sit in a local Starbucks in Evansville, Indiana. It's humid and rainy outside and I'm passing some time while I want to head to Bosse Field to watch a little of Josh's game. It's my last day here visiting him, and so it's a sad day. While I feel this way, I thought it would be a good chance for me to set a big amount of time toward my Bible study readings and my prayer journal. I read through the book of Galatians and did some other bible-based book readings. I've probably seen about 100 people pass in and out of this mid-sized Starbucks. I'm quietly seated near a side wall just observing. As I do so, I realize how amazing it is that Jesus met me here for coffee. I sought Him, and he met with me. Through the Holy Spirit, my eyes were opened in Galatians to the truth of "works-righteous" vs. the Gospel. I've felt a sense of comfort and peace in this small, black metal chair since the moment I sat down it in - not because this place smells of coffee and sugar or because there is a constant flow of traffic in here, but because God truly is here with me. He knows my heart and how discontent I feel, how anxious I am. I called today "the beginning of the end because after I go home tonight, I won't see Josh for two weeks. God knows how discontent I am and He's comforting me, even as I sit as a lone stranger in this far-from-home coffee shop.

My encounter with the Lord today reminds me of an encounter I had a few months ago. It was an email trail actually. During this particular week, and specifically this one day, I was really REALLY doubting God and my faith. I felt disconnected, detached, alone, left out, and far away from the Holy Spirit. I couldn't feel the Spirit at all and I was questioning God about it. I was sitting at my desk at work sending emails, as usual. One of these emails was an update to an out-of-state client to let him know that he had earned an incentive for completing something online for us (to give background - it had been a complicated process for this client to earn the incentive, so I was very glad to be able to tell him he's receive the reward, finally!). I sent the email to him and continued with my work. A few minutes later, he replied with a 'thank you' and again, I returned to my daily routine. Later that day, I received another email from him. He explained in his email that he had found my blog online (this one), read my April post (which was actually April 2012) and was so impressed with the person I am and my faith. I cried at my desk. Little did he know, I had been doubting and questioning God all morning. I had felt farther away from God than I had in years. I read that email and realized two things: 1) God will meet you where you are, even at your small cubicle at work... and 2) God uses the most unlikely people and circumstances to make Himself known, make His power known, and to show us love and encouragement. God was looking at me through the words on that laptop screen. The Holy Spirit was filling me with encouragement, comfort, and peace as I read the words of a complete stranger across my screen. I was not only reminded of my faith and why I have it, but I was encouraged to get back to that place of faith. I was re-awakened to reality and the power of God and his love for me. I was so overwhelmed by the email from the client that I started to formulate how I'd use this small story to encourage others. I decided returning to this blog was the most obvious way.

To keep names confidential - if you ever read my blog again, D.H., I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your emails that day. God bless you for allowing the Holy Spirit to move you to send that first bold email.