Speak Up.

I learned two lessons this week, and they're somewhat interchangeable. Let me explain.

We had nice weather this week and so I chose to do my CrossFit workouts after work each night (about 5:00 - 6:00 PM or so). Unfortunately for me, the workouts were programmed with some type of running nearly every night. Running = something I'm bad at, something I hate, and something I really should be making myself do so that I improve. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I went to the gym anyway.

Each night, the running workout began, and within minutes I was miserable. My legs were more and more fatigued with each step I took on the hot concrete. I was silently counting down the seconds until the misery would be over. As I was quietly complaining to myself in my head, I realized that everyone else in the class was just as miserable as I was. Each person I passed or ran next to on the trail had the same look of fatigue, heat, and misery on their faces. Something came over me and I realized I could maybe help others finish up these awful workouts. With each person I passed or came up near, I offered a "good job!" or a "hey keep going - you're almost there!" With each encouraging word I spoke, I realized it was becoming easier and easier for me to focus on and complete my own workout. The misery and pity party I was having for myself started to vanish and I felt encouraged as well. I eventually finished each workout this week and felt better at the end than I did at the beginning. My small side comments of encouragement to others actually helped me - probably more than they helped the people I was actually talking to. This "phenomenon" made me realize that by speaking positive words to others, I was feeling positive myself. I was encouraging, so I felt encouraged. I was also keeping the focus on the success of the workout and praising the hard work, rather than focusing on the negative of it all.

My second lesson this week came quite unexpectedly. (For the sake of those involved, I'm leaving this very brief and anonymous.) I've never been one to be overly outspoken about my faith, Jesus, Christianity, etc. If asked, sure I'll share, but I don't necessarily offer my story or any personal information. You could say this is something I need to be more bold about - and I'm working on it. Well, God had a plan this week for me to seize an opportunity to share my story with someone. The "irony" here (and by irony, I actually mean the God-ordained appointment) came less than 24 hours after reading some encouraging words about sharing a testimony. The points made in the reading included: 1) it's your story so it's true and relative to you, 2) it involves a spiritual transformation that can only be explained as supernatural, and 3) the change in your like is backed by what the Bible says will happen when you choose to believe in and follow Jesus.

So keeping all three of those points in mind with regard to one's own spiritual story/testimony, I was presented with a conversation in which I could openly speak about my story. The topic of atheism came up among the group of people I was with this particular day. I openly and honestly asked one individual why he was atheist. He explained his points, and I listened. A shower of adrenaline and excitement came over my entire body when he finished speaking and I could not hold my words in anymore - they fell out. I told him I understood his points, and not just understood, but that I had been there. I grew up in a Christian home (like he did) and saw things that were hypocritical and pushed very hard against the Bible and Jesus. I didn't believe in anything really because I saw no proof or backing to it, just as he doesn't now. My words continued to fall out, and I knew he was somewhat shocked that I could relate. Then I took a turn in the conversation and explained why I was using past tense and saying that I "could relate" and "was there too". In my mind I went back to those three points about sharing your story - 1) my life experiences are mine and cannot be denied - I grew up in a broken home and at the age of 23 realized that all my life I'd been looking for something that friends, jobs, relationships, and hobbies could not fill. 2) I joined a small group and it changed my life forever - the first study we did ("Not a Fan" is the book) opened my eyes to the fact that Jesus is a relationship, not a religion. I'm saved because of what has been DONE and it's nothing I can DO. 3) the change in my life is exactly what the Bible says is in store for every one of us who accepts Jesus as our Savior and walks with him.

I kept my testimony brief, but I can tell you that by making the transition from where I was (which is where he is) to where I am now (which is proven by my life experiences and backed by the Bible), it was much easier for this individual to follow me. Now, I'm not saying that I converted him and he is a believer now, but I felt amazing after taking the opportunity to share. Just like my encouragement to others helped encourage me, so too did opening up about my story help me redefine my story and my faith. In a matter of 5 minutes, my faith felt restored again and even stronger than just 5 minutes before.

When I encouraged those other CrossFitters during the workout, it's possible they didn't hear me. It's possible they thought I was stupid and annoying and just wanted to finish the workout quietly. That's the sad truth. On the flip side, it's also possible that my words helped push them along and now their outlook on that workout is very positive. Maybe they even sped up and finished the workout faster than they thought they could. Either way, by speaking up, I felt better about the miserable, hot, sweaty, tiring workout. My mind was focused on other things and I became a stronger runner.

It's possible that my atheist friend was just being nice and not openly reacting negatively to me sharing my story about Jesus and my transformation. It's possible that he still doesn't believe anything at all. On the flip side, it's possible that by connecting his current life to my past life, and then connecting those to my current life, he's curious and more willing to listen when the topic of God comes up again. Either way, I left the conversation feeling more solidified and secure in my faith and in my story and it's ability to help others.

I'll close by summarizing a sermon I recently heard at Willow Creek. The pastor explained in his teaching that it's not up to us to get someone from being a non-believer to a full out Christian devoted to following Jesus. That's the job of God through the Holy Spirit. That spiritual transformation is not someone we humans can accomplish. We can, however, help spur someone on from point A to point B, or maybe even point B to point F over time. We cannot take someone spiritually from point A to point Z - that's God's job. Just like I couldn't make those runners finish their workout any faster or any stronger, I cannot take it upon myself to convert a non-believer. I can however, encourage the runner and share my story with the non-believer. It's my small act of hopefully helping take someone from point A to point B that is most important, while feeling uplifted, encouraged, and stronger in myself & my testimony along the way. When I do another running workout, I'll be better. I'll remember the encouragement I felt by encouraging others. When I have another opportunity to share my faith, I'll feel more confident in it. I'll remember how much stronger I felt after taking the change to speak up. 

Meet Me Where I Am

I currently sit in a local Starbucks in Evansville, Indiana. It's humid and rainy outside and I'm passing some time while I want to head to Bosse Field to watch a little of Josh's game. It's my last day here visiting him, and so it's a sad day. While I feel this way, I thought it would be a good chance for me to set a big amount of time toward my Bible study readings and my prayer journal. I read through the book of Galatians and did some other bible-based book readings. I've probably seen about 100 people pass in and out of this mid-sized Starbucks. I'm quietly seated near a side wall just observing. As I do so, I realize how amazing it is that Jesus met me here for coffee. I sought Him, and he met with me. Through the Holy Spirit, my eyes were opened in Galatians to the truth of "works-righteous" vs. the Gospel. I've felt a sense of comfort and peace in this small, black metal chair since the moment I sat down it in - not because this place smells of coffee and sugar or because there is a constant flow of traffic in here, but because God truly is here with me. He knows my heart and how discontent I feel, how anxious I am. I called today "the beginning of the end because after I go home tonight, I won't see Josh for two weeks. God knows how discontent I am and He's comforting me, even as I sit as a lone stranger in this far-from-home coffee shop.

My encounter with the Lord today reminds me of an encounter I had a few months ago. It was an email trail actually. During this particular week, and specifically this one day, I was really REALLY doubting God and my faith. I felt disconnected, detached, alone, left out, and far away from the Holy Spirit. I couldn't feel the Spirit at all and I was questioning God about it. I was sitting at my desk at work sending emails, as usual. One of these emails was an update to an out-of-state client to let him know that he had earned an incentive for completing something online for us (to give background - it had been a complicated process for this client to earn the incentive, so I was very glad to be able to tell him he's receive the reward, finally!). I sent the email to him and continued with my work. A few minutes later, he replied with a 'thank you' and again, I returned to my daily routine. Later that day, I received another email from him. He explained in his email that he had found my blog online (this one), read my April post (which was actually April 2012) and was so impressed with the person I am and my faith. I cried at my desk. Little did he know, I had been doubting and questioning God all morning. I had felt farther away from God than I had in years. I read that email and realized two things: 1) God will meet you where you are, even at your small cubicle at work... and 2) God uses the most unlikely people and circumstances to make Himself known, make His power known, and to show us love and encouragement. God was looking at me through the words on that laptop screen. The Holy Spirit was filling me with encouragement, comfort, and peace as I read the words of a complete stranger across my screen. I was not only reminded of my faith and why I have it, but I was encouraged to get back to that place of faith. I was re-awakened to reality and the power of God and his love for me. I was so overwhelmed by the email from the client that I started to formulate how I'd use this small story to encourage others. I decided returning to this blog was the most obvious way.

To keep names confidential - if you ever read my blog again, D.H., I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your emails that day. God bless you for allowing the Holy Spirit to move you to send that first bold email.

3, 2, 1... LIVE!

An account of my life, the strength found in uncertainty & the decision to overcome

I started CrossFit seven months ago. Much like other areas in my life, I went into it not expecting much of myself. I saw it as a hobby, something to pass my free time, maybe something my friends would join in too. After the first few weeks, my entire body ached, I had bruises on my shins, and welts covered the backs of my arms after numerous failed attempts at double-unders.

Seven months ago, I started looking for a new job. Much like other areas in my life, I went into it not expecting much. I searched websites, talked to family friends, and even applied for a few things out-of-state. After a few weeks, nothing developed and so my interest and motivation to keep searching began to diminish.

I joined a small group Bible study seven months ago. Much like other areas in my life, I went into it not expecting much. I saw it as a way to meet other people my age, an opportunity to network, and a maybe even a way to understand this Jesus guy a little bit. After a few weeks, I started to learn about my most guarded, inhibiting, and debilitating fears and weaknesses.

Five months ago I made a commitment to test my physical strength and bend some mental boundaries to see what I’m actually capable of, even when the weights feel too heavy for my fatigued muscles, when heavy breathing is the only sound I make, and when the screech of the clock seems to scream “Give up!” at me.

Five months ago I made a commitment to do my very best in my job by learning everything I could and by improving my written and verbal communication, even when the atmosphere is extremely negative, when the negativity puts pressure on my responsibilities, and when I feel consumed by a misguided sense of purpose.

Five months ago I made a commitment to Jesus that I would not be a fan, but instead a follower of Him in every second of every day, even when I’m tempted by Satan, when I’m challenged by my past and present sins, and when I fear what tomorrow holds.

Three months ago I did my first unassisted pull up and have never used another band.

Three months ago I began sharpening and molding my leadership skills and started practicing new management skills by implementing a monthly goal and incentive system for my interns.

Three months ago I overcame a fear and volunteered to be a Spanish-translating witness of the gospel to others for a church-wide food, coat, and toy distribution project for needy families in my community.

One month ago I signed up for the CrossFit Open, finished 619th in the North Central Region, and accomplished 75-pound snatches, prescribed toes-to-bar, and prescribed chest-to-bar pull ups, each for the first time.

One week ago, I celebrated the negativity in my office because it shows that that type of lifestyle and behavior is something I no longer associate myself with.

One day ago I prayed a ridiculous prayer to the creator of the universe and decided I would trust Him more and more, fear all else less and less, and become who God wants me to be.

Now, I… “3, 2, 1 … LIVE!”

Psalm 119:37

"Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways." - Psalm 119:37

The 'worthless things' in my life are intangible. I worry too much about the decisions I make. I care about what other people think. I let my job and (the lack of) money stress me out and leave me discouraged. This short (and incomplete!) list actually means that I am putting these things before God. Although I do not literally get down on my knees and bow before these things and worship them, these in fact are idols. They are tests of my faith, or lack of faith, in God. While I'm thinking of it, another 'worthless thing' of mine is how hard I am on myself. I am a perfectionist in every area of my life so I can be my own worst emeny. The only time I need to be "perfect" (using quotations here because no one is perfect) is when these idols arise. In this blog entry, I would like to use the words perfect and faithful as synonyms. Bear with me for a minute. God knows I am not going to be perfect, but when it comes to idols that are taking His place in my life, my faith in God should overrule, outweigh, and overcome, thus being a new meaning of "perfect." Unwavering, unchanging, unending, and ever-present faith in God.

Looking back at verse 37, the word worthless is so powerful to me. Idols are just that: worthless. I am working to let mine go because anything that doesn't bring me closer to God is WORTHLESS.

The second part of the verse focuses on life, and a life in Christ AND a life of Christ in me is worth more than any idols.

Involuntary Mind Over Matter

What would it feel like to put your mind on auto pilot so that your body would do whatever you want? Picture this: an excruciating workout is now simple because you can make the saying "mind over matter" involuntary. You don't have to think while you perform the exercise. You just go. Sounds perfect, right? Reminds me of the movie "Click" with Adam Sandler. With the push of a button, he could fast forward through any part of life, no matter how big or small. Ideal, right? But wait... Would we then replace workout agony with the reward of feeling accomplished, dedicated, and mentally tougher? Is it worth the switch? No pain, no gain... Right?

Adrenaline Rush From a Distance

A small garage-style "gym" was full of at least 100 people, pull up bars, bar bells, dumb bells, and of course sweat. I was about to witness my first-ever live CrossFit competition. (Yes, like the Reebok CrossFit Games on ESPN2 recently) The women's modified heats were about to begin. By CrossFit's definition, modified means that they athletes aren't doing the "prescribed" weight, i.e. the recommended weight for the elite.... a.k.a. more my style, at the moment. I have been doing CrossFit for about a month now and I absolutely love it. Love isn't the right word -- it's an addiction, a craving, a necessity. This weekend, it was truly inspiring to see 32 women of all ages pouring every ounce of strength and endurance into a 15 minute workout. 

The first part of the WoD (workout of the day) was a max height box jump = jump as high as you can on a box in 2 minutes. Each woman added big weight plates to add height and literally jumped vertically as high as they could. I can't put into words how incredible it was to see their faces light up as they hit personal goals. The second half of the WoD was four rounds for time of 5 bar facing burpees, 10 thrusters (45 lb), and a 200 m run. These women killed it! On paper (or on the big white board at the gym), this workout seems easy, but the athletes later shared with me that the trick was to pace themselves so the stayed strong the whole way through. Some started off way to fast and couldn't hold that pace the entire time. The most admirable part of the day was watching an older woman compete and finish the WoD at her own pace. The determination and dedication on her face is something I envy. She was unable to finish the WoD within the 15 minute time limit, but she didn't quit - she finished the entire thing in her own time. It honestly made me tear up as I watched. 


Overall, I watched 4 heats. After the first few minutes, my own palms were sweating and my heart was racing. I wasn't even competing! But I was part of it - as an onlooker and an amateur CrossFitter. I knew right away that this was something I wanted to do. I naturally crave that sense of self-accomplishment and competition. The 5K races I've been doing just aren't cutting it. The treadmill doesn't push me. The casual strength class at the local gym isn't competitive. This is a real challenge. I saw it and felt it - even on the sidelines. I am determined to train until I can compete. Until then, it's a competition against myself.